Sunday, December 2, 2007

This doesn't mean I like Boston (see you new years)

12/04/07 – postdated to make it seem like I don’t waste all of my time doing this… DAD

Post #31 Topic: Nostradampierce

This is going to be a short post because there is not a lot to say on the subject. But here it is, the most ridiculous and absurd prediction I have ever made, but at the same time, the most likely to hold true. The Boston Celtics will win 71 games this year… if not more.

I know that this is easy to say at 14-2, and I know that everyone else knows that the Celtics have Garnett, and Paul Pierce and Ray Allen and Kevin McHale (asshole), but I don’t make this or any other prediction lightly (BTW the Rangers are going to win the Stanley Cup). Instead, I am truly convinced that the Celtics will win AT LEAST 71 games.

Hur’s why. Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, and Kevin Garnett are all averaging 20 points per game. That’s 60 points per game according to my TI-89. The big three play a combined 112 minutes per game. Given that there are always 5 men on the court, and the game lasts 48 minutes, there are 240 minutes to be played total. Assuming that on average a team need 90 points to win a game (purely speculative but safe nonetheless), the Celtics need only get another 30 points out of their remaining 128 minutes… a feat even the Knicks accomplish (more on the Knicks later). As it appears now, teams can stop 1, and some teams even 2 of these guys. But the limits imposed by the rules of the game eliminate any chance of running 3 double teams and in turn, no team can shut down all 3 (assuming continued health).

I would go as far as to say that if the Celtics put two stone columns in the lane and had these three as the only animate objects on the court that they would still win a considerable amount of games.

But the big three are not what make the Celtics scary. Rather, it’s the attention that they command and the space that is subsequently left for their young players to develop, and they certainly are developing. Rajon Rondo is getting impressively better each game. Fortunately for the C’s, he doesn’t need to score more than 10 points per night to be effective, so long as he’s getting the ball to KG inside. Needless to say, the more he plays with KG the more the ENTIRE TEAM will benefit. Subtract Rondo’s 10 points per (an expected average, he’s currently at 8) and the C’s need only account for 20 more points per.

In college he was a scoring machine, and although he doesn’t get starting minutes in the big leagues, when Eddie House is on the floor he is effective to the tune of 8 points in 19 minutes per night. Throw in a couple rebounds, a couple assists and a steal per diem and you have yourself a great 6th man.

As one of the last player to be drafted out of high school, the draft day trade that brought the C’s Kendrick Perkins is starting to pay dividends (Dangling Modifier my butt). Perkins is on an 8 points, 5 boards and 2 blocks per game pace and is only seeing 25 minutes a night. With Houses’s 20 minutes, Rondo’s 30 and Perkins’ 25, the Celtics still have 50 minutes to account for and have already reached their 90 points per game… And Perkins and Rondo are getting better each night.

Then there’s big baby, the proud product of your NATIONAL CHAMPION LSU TIGERS???, whose draft status was unmeritoriously dropped courtesy of Tyrus Thomas’ emergence in the NCAA’s two years ago. While Glen is only getting 4 points and 2 boards a night, he’s only seeing 8 minutes of time. Against the Cavs Davis put up 10 points and 7 boards in 20 minutes, which is VERY respectable on a team whose possession’s revolve around 3 players 99% of the time.

But points and minutes and rebounds and the such aside, the Celtics aren’t only winning games, they’re winning games impressively (their only two losses came to the scary Orlando Magic (next article) and the Lebron James Gang). Out of their 14 wins, the Celtics have won 7 games by 15 points or more, 5 by 20 or more and one by 45. Scarily, that 45 could have been more. More scarily is that they are winning games with their stars on the bench. This past Sunday the Celtics beat the Cavs by ten, with Garnett and Pierce contributing only 16 points combined, in a game that Garnett spent 22 minutes on the bench. Although the Cavs didn’t have Lebron in that game, Paul Pierce only took 7 shots, and thus the stakes were somewhat even.

Not convinced? On Friday November 30th, the Celtics beat A FULL KNICKS ROSTER by 45 points in what ESPN called a “colossal romp”, which sounds more like a Grecian God Porno Flick then a basketball outcome. In that game, Garnett only took 5 shots in 23 minutes of time. The message: only two of the big three need to be on their game for the Celtics to win… and win big. Against the Knicks Doc Rivers gave Leon Powe, Gabe Pruitt, James Posey, Brian Scalabrine, and Glen Davis 89 combined minutes… WHO????????????? Who is Gabe Pruitt. I swear that’s my Corporate Tax Professor’s Daughter.

Imagine how good this team will be when they’re actually accustomed to playing with eachother. A sense of familiarity goes a long way in every sport. In hockey, linemates build chemistry that results in a line-specific playing style. In football, quarterbacks learn when their wide-outs make their cuts and come to time their passes so as to arrive on the numbers in an admirably timely fashion. In baseball, catchers learn what pitches a pitcher can and should throw in a variety of situations to: calm down, get a ground out, or fool the batter. Basketball is no different. Its no surprise that Steve Nash knows exactly where Shawn Marion (NBA’s most valuable player, (not an official prediction just an observation) is in relation to the rim on ever possession. Nash knows Marion’s habits so well that he often shoots not aiming to score, but aiming the ball so as to create a rebound directed EXACTLY WHERE MARION WILL BE AT THAT MOMENT (he’s Canadian, they learn puck-control before they learn to get hair-cuts). If Rondo could make Randolph Morris look dominant after 2 years playing together, imagine what he can with Garnett in 1?

The Celtics next 5 games are against the sixers (win), the Raptors (tougher than the sixers but a win nonetheless (a point by a U.S. team is worth more than a point by a Canadian team), Bulls (what the hell is wrong with the Bulls? – win), Kings (queens – Win) and the Raptors for a follow up beating. Ironically, the names of the next teams to appear on my Celtics schedule are irrelevant. For the following 5 games I predict win, win, close game – Orlandowin, win. Fortunately for my prediction the Celtics only play the Magic that one more time, and Dallas, San Antonio, Denver and Pheonix a combined 7 more times. Assuming come May that they have won 1/7th of those games, I will be owing you all an apology for severely underestimating my prediction. GO NETS!!!

Other Notes

Is Lance Armstrong really still selling Lance Armstrong bracelets? Can’t we find another motivational comeback story or is Lance going to still be pedaling bracelets when he’s robotically pedaling his rascal?

Do not drink Heineken Light in my company… Ever.

Chinese is no longer a type of food, it has become a way to describe food that falls into no other descriptive field. Some food is good, some great. Some food is tasty some food is filling. Some food is “too much” while other food is “so-so”. Chinese food is just that… Chinese.

Someone should create misfortune cookies. This seems like the perfect way to make eating funny, which is an as of yet underexplored combination.

In my recent fraternity newsletter, the chapter advisor issued an apology for, “a student being beaten so badly by a stripper that he fell down the stairs… twenty feet from where the beating took place”. Some things I believe are better left unmentioned.


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