Post #39 Topic: Woe is Stephon
Here is my track record. I was a rookie with the Timberwolves. Many an analyst predicted great things for me and my cohort, a fresh face out of high school with a lot of raw talent and an incredibly high talent ceiling, Kevin Garnett. Although the chemistry was immediately there, for some reason we just couldn’t crack our way into the playoffs. So I got traded. My team for some reason though that Terrell Brandon would be a better solution, perhaps because he was less interested in shooting and more interested in finding KG down low.
Strangely enough my team was right. That next year the T-Wolves, behind a
But things took a strangely sour turn in
On top of that, I couldn’t stand the cold weather. Yes cold weather is the reason that I decided to leave
Ironically, the Nets got really lucky with Jason Kidd as their point guard. I mean never mind that he was co-rookie of the year during a season in which Grant Hill’s emergence didn’t even garner individualized
The next couple years in
Fact is that I didn’t fit into
And who is this Steve Nash guy? He doesn’t even care about himself. What an idiot, because of him his teammates look better than he does. What a ridiklis way to play hoop.
So it was destiny… The Knicks would be the team that let me create my legacy, leave my mark, establish MY dynasty. Too bad that moron Dolan up there in the luxury suite didn’t listen to me. Hiring Larry Brown as my head coach. What kind of moron preaches defense first? Everyone knows that you win games by putting points up on the board… Defense is for high schoolers and women! Took Dolan a little while to get on my page, firing Larry Brown, buying out his contract for over 40 million dollars… Finally Isiah got the point: Its Starbury’s way or the highway.
Under Herb Williams as interim head coach I went 3-1. That’s right, a .750% winning percentage. That’s better than the 72 win bulls (by my own fuzzy math), the 18-0 Patriots (football has less games so my 3-1 is more impressive), and Ali in his prime. Stupid Isiah had to get rid of Herb Williams and put himself in as coach. How absurd? (Shit all that Isiah is good for is helping me get laid in the back seat of my Escalade by some inebriated broad I met on the corner of god knows where and 8th ave). At this point I’m thinking, “Starbury ain’t deserve this”. But I played it out. I played 1.5 seasons under this buffoon. I tried his system (for a quarter), I looked to pass, I came off the bench… I did everything I was supposed to. But Starbury don’t take no crap. So I didn’t come to a game. Instead I drove around with my cousin Sebastian Telfair shooting trash cans with 9 mm’s and smoking rock out of nanna’s favorite flower vase. But I got bored, and decided to return to the court… For a few games.
Stephon care about one thing and one thing alone: Stephon. So when I tweaked my ankle I decided it’d be best if I sat out the rest of the season, you know, get myself ready for the next year, get my beauty rest, maybe a couple new tattoos. Now the only problem is that I don’t know where I’m going to play (Hi Latrell Sprewell nobody wants me on their team syndrome).
Turns out that when I stop playing, the Knicks became a new team. Things that never happened when I was on the court started happening. The Knicks showed some good energy. Eddy Curry and Z-Bo started playing defense and looking dominant in the post as was expected of them. Nate Robinson learned to control the ball when relieving Jamal Crawford, who’s demonstrated that he is a natural PG who can hit pressure shots but also draw the double team leaving the big men open down low. Q-Rich is playing stifling D and doesn’t look hesitant to put up the big shots. Jared Jeffries and Malik Rose are playing solid back-up minutes, bringing crazy defense towards the end of tight games. Balkman is lookin like the next Dennis Rodman minus the craziness; when given minutes he’s all over the court. David Lee looks more solid every game… thank god we traded Channing instead of him. The Garden fans are actually showing up to some of the games and the boos have turned to cheers. FUCK, we even won 5 out of 8 games, losing 2 close ones along the way to two really really good teams. This was the team Starbury needed to win. WHERE THE HELL THEY WAS?????
A reporter asked me the other day why the Knicks were playing so goodish without me. I told him it was an easy question to axsk. Stephon is the court general. The Knicks are my army. An army don’t go to no war without its general. When General Motors lead the
P.S. please take me back. Pretty Pretty please. Everywhere I’ve played I’ve been a loser on a losing team. Everytime I leave a team that team starts winning. I’m almost out of opportunities. I’ll do anything. I
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