Friday, March 7, 2008

That Hurt - Quick, Grab the Roids.

Post #48 Topic: Amazin’ Luck

I woke up early this morning with a splitting headache. I didn’t do anything stupid last night, so the headache’s main effect was to have me mad at the world. Not to mention that these constructionites are building what HAS to be the worlds largest apartment building right outside my window. For 6 months now I’ve been woken every morning at 7 to the sounds of piledriving, drilling and “Jersey Boys” screaming at the donut vendor to get his “muddafuckin gabagool ova daer”. Also kind of upsetting when I wake up naked with my shades open and see Vinnie Scallopini looking right in my window… although I’m not sure who that would be more painful for.

When I got out of bed I wasn’t sure what to do 1st. Do I brush my teeth? Nah, that can wait for my first visitor which might be at around 6 pm. Do I make my bed? If only I knew how… thanks mom! So, as is the case on any other Friday morning where I have an extraordinary amount of time, I decided to wake up and read the world’s finest publication – the New York Post.

Background: The Mets, who upon signing Johan Santana this off-season, appeared to be on the road to a bright and promising season. Their pitching had gone from “lacking” to “complete” literally overnight. Their offense seemed solid on the heels of a return to stardom by one time “power-to-be-reckoned-with” Carlos “what anthem?” Delgado. The Mets even brought the “Straw” back into town to serve as a hitting coach – the final straw in what seemed to be the Mets best “Crack” in years.

But Ladies and Gentleman, as it almost always does, London bridge has collapsed and this time there is no fair lady to the rescue… unless you count David Wright’s “manhattan girl of the week” (sorry for all the quotations this early in the morning).

Carlos Beltran: hurt, hasn’t yet appeared in spring training.

Carlos Delgado: More of the same

Ryan Church: Post-concussion syndrome, likely out for a few more weeks

Luis Castillo: Hurt

Duaner Sanchez: (Who might be the key to this season so long as he stays out of cabs) sore right shoulder

Moises Alou: Hernia surgery out at least 2 months… at least.

El Duque: Unable to lift his leg to wind up with his famous leg kick (sitting duck)

The list truly does go on, and these are only the most important of the slew of injuries that has caused the Mets to name Angel Pagan as their current everyday starter. Who the hell is Angel Pagan?

Back to the Post

So I woke up this morning and began reading an article about how the Mets weren’t going to hit the panic button, although this does in fact seem as good a time as any. The article continued to say how the Mets were going to give some youngsters a chance to earn spots until Jose Valentin could come back; for me, waiting for Jose Valentin is like waiting for a train in the ocean; it can lead to nothing but disappointment.

Then, hiding there in the 3rd paragraph was a little name that has gone unmentioned throughout a majority of this off-season. The name of a man who when healthy has the ability to get on base .450 of the time. I man who if given 400 at bats (excluding walks) can still belt 35 home runs. A man that will serve as an amazing protector of our top of the order big bats, ensuring that D. Wright, Reyes and Beltran (if and when healthy) will see their fair share of good pitches. Lass’ and gentiles, allow me to reintroduce… BARRY BONDS.


First the negatives. If not for the Roger Clemens fiasco, chances are our baseball nation would still be chastising Mr. Bonds for his rampant roid rectum refilling (how’s that for alliteration?). The debate over whether he should be in the hall of fame (which he should be) would be ongoing and Barry’s gigantic dome would be front and center in the papers day in and day out. Then there’s the age factor. Last year bonds only had 28 home runs, and chances are that as his chances to resign have dwindled, so have his previously pristine workout habits, leading some to believe that there is no way that the San Fran Slugger can ever be productive in a major league line up again. BUT… if Jose Canseco can make comebacks on two separate occasions, then I see no reason why Barry can’t do the same.

Second, the positives. Take a look at Barry’s stat line from last year. 340 Abs, 28 HRs, 66 RBI’s, 132 walks, .276 BA and .480 OBP. That’s pretty damn impressive no matter who you are. Someone please tell me that the Mets shouldn’t kill to have that kind of threat in their lineup.

As for the age dilemma, Bonds is indeed 43 years old. However, this separates him from the Mets other full time left fielder by only two years. Could Barry possibly be any less versatile in left field than Moises would have been if he was healthy to start the season? My intuition tells me no, my having watched a plethora of games last year tells me definitely not. Then, given the improvement that Bond’s bat would bring to our line – up this move seems like a no brainer.

Barry isn’t the kind of guy that needs to play 160 games to be successful. In fact, giving him 100 starts and letting him come off the bench as a pinch-hitter for pitchers in the rest of the games would be a mean mean strategy that would certainly cast fear into the eyes of the Mets’ closest competitor, the Phils. Enough having Marlon Anderson come up to bat and threaten in-field singles once every couple games. Picture Barry coming in and drawing walks in the 9th spot, setting Reyes up to increase his already pleasant RBI total. To me, this sounds like an amazing plan.

There is however the money issue. While Barry got paid 18 million last year, experts agree that this was San Francisco’s way of saying “this is your last year, thanks for everything, now get out of town”. According to reports circulating the inner circles of the diamond gossip ring, Barry REALLY wants to play again. With financial security no longer on Bonds’ agenda, chances are that he’d be willing to except 6-8 million for a chance to show that he still has major league numbers left in his majorly tampered with body; and what better place to show that than in a line-up with recently established gaping holes.

The potential line-up gives me goosebumps.

SS – 1 – Jose Reyes

2B – 2 – Luis Castillo

3B – 3 – David Wright

CF – 4 – Carlos Beltran

LF – 5 - Barry Bonds

RF – 6 – Ryan Church

1B – 7 – Carlos Delgado

C – 8 – Brian Schneider

P – 9 – Johan Santana

It boggles my mind to think just how many RBI’s Barry could have, even in limited plate appearances, hitting behind that foursome. Throw in a healthy Delgado facing less pressure towards the bottom of the lineup and all of the sudden the Mets are a stacked team.

So I say lets take a chance. Take a chance on Barry’s ailing knees. Take a chance on Barry’s one-time heroic bat. Take a chance on Barry’s cold demeanor which could help to restore some discipline to a team that was too “gleeful” for its own good last year. But more importantly, take a chance that a man once considered to be the best hitter of all time, was and is exactly that.

Otherwise Omar… Sammy Sosa is eagerly awaiting your call.

Other Notes

New favorite drink: Root Beer and anything

My cell phone is invincible. I’ve thrown it, sawed it, burned it, drowned it, dropped it, kicked it, and even verbally abused it. Amazingly, it just keeps ticking. So for all of you Blackberry addicts out there, its time to get over your technologically advanced selves. Because when the meteor shower comes, and our phones are the only things to protect our heads, I’m going to be the only one left chatting come the morn, even if the only person left to chat is myself.

Everything tastes better with blackened seasoning. In fact, if you have two different types of blackened seasoning, try putting one on top of the other. You’re in for a scrumptious treat.

Syracuse had better make the tournament this year. Otherwise, what am I going to do when I’m supposed to be preparing for finals?

Would someone tell me if I looked stupid rolling my cuffs on my jeans over? As Weezie once said… “I’m from the dirty like the bottom of my pants cuff”. We all know Weezie is a prophet, which leads me to believe that if he sings about it, its gotta be a problem worth addressing.

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