A place where fans Buy and Sell ticket with NO FEEs

Hey people,

Been a while. The reason I've been so MIA from this blog is that absolutely nothing has happened in the world of sports over the past few years. Nothing... I'm Serious. Perhaps the whole Tiger Woods thing was of some note. I suppose his future tournament successes will dictate whether that whole shabang ever mattered (typing shabang feels weird).

Maybe a few other things. Gretzky retired, again. McGwire is back and still huge (wrongful accusers... all of you), and Canada remains unseated in the curlingverse (like the twitterverse, but for curling).

Well... there is one major development. I stumbled upon an awesome new website the other day called Seatcrew - http://seatcrew.com

This site claims to be "the no-fee, local, social marketplace where fans buy and sell tickets". A bit confusing, maybe. But after playing around with the site, the tagline made sense (Stupid SEO rules).

Basically, this is a site where you can list and buy tickets for free. I personally detest stubhub and find craigslist headache inducing. This site eliminates the service fees by connecting you directly to the sellers and eliminates shipping fees (i once paid 20 bucks to ship stubhub tickets two weeks before the evnet) by letting you search for tickets by location - its cool, i found Jets tickets right around my block, talked back and forth with the ACTUAL seller, and went and picked them up - $50 bucks saved over the stubhub alternative. Also, in relation to craigslist, the site is really easy to use. It is very easy to search for a ticket, put in an offer for a ticket, and confirm the transaction.

What's cool is they let you stay in touch with the seller by following him. In essence, you can get updates when the seller you like does something new. For example, i "followed" my seller. The next day he added a new ticket and the update popped into my feed.

You can also review and rate sellers a la ebay which is a nice way to weed out those sheisty craigslist miscreants.

Enough rambling - check them out at http:seatcrew.com

you can follow them @seatcrew

you can like them @ http://facebook.com/seatcrew

you can read their blog at http://seatcrew.tumblr.com

You can find me at the bar.

Goodnight...

OTHER THOUGHTS

The world series got rained out. What if it rains again tomorrow, and the next day and every day until april 2nd. Could we conceivably have the world series after the first day of spring training. We'll see who's really the best when both staff's aces are pitching on 136 days rest.

The world series is a heavily contested match between a hockey team and a big east school, i think, im not really paying attention.

The NHL started the season in Europe. Technically that makes it the IHL, which i suppose wasn't instituted for trademark reasons and the fact that the whole "starting in europe" thing is pretty stupid.

Seatcrew

Hey Fans,

Been a long time since I've posted here. The blog world is incredibly saturated and given the lack of focus of my blog, I felt that spewing out my genius and using it to attract you, the readers, was unfair.

But upon completing my last post, in June of 2010, i vowed to myself to one day return to the scene. Condition precedent to that vow was that I would remain in hiding until an event sufficiently earth-shattering to awaken me, occurred.

And occurred it has.

Have you guys heard about Seatcrew.com? If not, I'm happy to be the one telling you all, all about it.

From what i understand, and the details are hazy because they're not fully launched yet, Seatcrew.com is a no fee ticket website. Yep, no fees. pretty sweet.

The other day i paid $20 in service fees to Stubhub, and then had to overnight the tickets even though the game i bought tickets for waas 12 days away. Ridiculous!

I had a brief conversation with the Seatcrew founder and he told me that in addition to being no-fee based, Seatcrew.com will be a location based search site so that you can literally find tickets on your block, and skip the BS costs of having to overnight tickets from New York to New York weeks before the event.

Also, they have some interesting social layering of which I haven't gotten the chance to hear about yet but should be pretty cool and innovative.

Anyway, i think they're launching soon. Could this be the solution to ridiculous over charging on Stubhub? Could this replace the unfriendly, anonymous, disorganized ticket-buying chaos that is Craigslist?

I sure as hell hope so. For all the money i've spent on fees on Stubhub, i could have a rainbow of Aston Martins and a beach house in Charleston.

Seatcrew.com - and remember, DCMSG brought it to you first.

Facebook.com/seatcrew is their facebook page. They're also on twitter @Seatcrew

June 8th - a Great Day for the Yankees

From the Babe to the Boy

Post #4 Volume #2

Without looking, I believe that C.C. Sabathia makes approximately $25 million/year. This is a lot of money for a man who makes David Wells looks fit and typically ends seasons as one of the league leaders in I.P. (innings pitched/island pride). Given that his "ness" is pretty fat and the somewhat ironic "inning-eating", it can only be expected that C.C. will begin to slowly wear down. Maybe the booze will give him a few extra years a la Wells, maybe he'll get his fat ass in shape. Maybe he'll get a lat belt and the only one eating will be me, snacking on my words. But regardless of time-bomb tickingness, C.C. makes almost 25 a year... SHIT!

______________________________________________________________

Last night Stephen Strasburg, who I've only endearingly coined as "The Boy", went 7 innings, gave up two runs and struck out 14 batters including the last 7 he faced. He looked phenomenal. His fastball seemed to move like a curve and his curve had the velocity of many star pitchers' fastballs. The fact that he's 21 and has a fluid motion is scary, and translates to a low probability of injury, similar to another young ace - Tim Lincecum.

But what is even scarier is that Strasburg's entry contract of 4 years, 15 million is ONLY 4 YEARS LONG, and at the same time... 4 FREAKIN YEARS LONG.

This contract is short because in 4 years he is going to be a free agent. That means that in 4 years the Nationals are going to have to cough up some significant ducats in order to keep him. Sure Dunn will be gone but Storen and Zimmerman are also going to be entering the prime of their careers, Bryce Harper should by then have cemented himself as a star, and "The Boy" will come callin for the big bucks.

This contract is long because a lot can happen in four years. In four years, when the Greinke's, Lincecums, Jimenez's amongst the slew of young hitting phenoms are due new deals, if the MLB is still chugging along profitably, the new generation of baseball weight bearers are going to be demanding a lot of money. It's unlikely that a salary cap will be imposed, which is unfortunate because the promise of another means to stimy the exponential growth of contracts seems minuscule. If Fat-ass Sabathia got 25 million last year, a significant increase on Santana's deal from a year before, imagine what the top aces will be getting in 2014 - is it crazy to assume 35-40 million? Sounds nuts, but A-Rod, who may just be entering the slow-moving twilight of his career will be getting 30 mill a year until he can legally start banging her (is viagra a steroid?).

Sure the hype was big last night - biggest crowd in Nats' history, only sellout other than home opener, blah-blah-blah-blah. Is this team sustainable? The Orioles hardly appear to be and they're steeped in tradition. My thoughts are then when it comes time to decide between 35 mill between Zimmerman and Bryce Harper, or 35 for "The Boy", Scotty Boras is going to be stuck developing one of his infamous sales brochures.

Luckily, his promotional mailing will only require one stamp for there is truly only one franchise that could support such a pricetag and take a flier that a stud, velocity-centric pitcher won't break down (which they frequently do). That team, that empire of evil is none other than the Yankees.

For that reason, last night was a great night for the Yankees. By 2015 Jeter should be retired. Mo, Posada, Petitte, A-Rod, Burnett and others will all likely be absent from the pay-roll. And, in a moment of little shock, the new boss (same as the old boss) will open up his wallet for baseball's best pitcher, and he'll likely be the only one to do so for as Lil' Wayne once noted "his pockets so deep i done fucked around and drowned in 'em".

So congrats Yankees. Your future prize had a successful debut in the rest of the majors, your farm system, bringing him one giant step closer to Yankee Greatness.

Other Notes

Crissy Pronger? Really? Show me one journalist who wouldn't run from the thought of a Pronger beat-down... sexy skirt or not.

Stanton... Posey... Davis... Leake... Strasburg... The MLB has a great pipeline of talent with the promise of even more to come this year. Reminds me a lot of THE NEW YORK RANGERS! (too early?)

What do you call it when people are starting to hunger for a change from all this change? Predictable? Change is for cowards; the strong-minded take what's great and make it better.

I swear I bought a Flotilla at Taco Ball for a buck last night, and it came with free soda.

A Few of My Favorite Things

Post #3, Volume #2

Why the NHL Playoffs are Sweet.

Last night I was watching some NHL Playoff action with some friends - particularly the Bruins/Sabres games. In honor of earth day and in belated honor of 4.20, I was mildly intoxicated but worry not for the experience was entirely organic! Watching what turned out to be an amazing game, my mind was wandering around the past several years, attempting to recall a sporting event I'd enjoyed so fervently; for a while I struggled.

About a year ago I went to a rodeo in Ft. Worth Texas. Yes, I was put off by the roping of young cattle and the training of young humans to do said roping but nonetheless I was pretty darn entertained.

I caught a game of gangsta' stickball on Frederick Douglas Boulevard last year - that too was sweet.

Apparently, beyond those two events my mind is devoid of a fonder memory than watching a playoff hockey games. So, with the help of some herbal enhancement, I put together the following list - I call it (enderaingly) "Why the NHL Playoffs are Sweet!"

1. No Shootout: I understand the reasons behind the shootout. NHL barrons will tell you that it increases interest amongst the casual hockey fan and avoids the potentially never-ending drama of a four or five overtime game. Well let me say I am no casual hockey fan and I quite like the drama thank you very much. In the regular season, overtime is only five minutes. Not wanting to give up a goal in that O.T. period and knowing that the season (except after the 82nd game) will continue tomorrow, teams are not so interested in Winning in Overtime. This is especially the case against division rivals. Rather, most teams prefer to seal their fate in the shootout where they are insulated against the mistake of miserable defenseman a la Wade Redden. In the playoffs, teams need to win - there's no settling for an overtime loss. For example, last night the Sabres NEEDED to win. Already down 2-1 in the series and faced with the threat of having to win three straight games, the Sabres went all out in overtime; pinching both defenseman as soon as the puck crossed the redline into the Bruins zone. This strategy makes for a fast, up-and-down game in which fast-breaks are plentiful and outnumbered only be quality scoring chances. Then, when the game is anchored by two top goalies both on top their games, fans are rewarded with exciting offensive hockey, and like last night - amazing reactionary goaltending. NHL playoff overtime games piss on regular season overtime games.

2. Better Announcers: Call me a homer, but Sam Rosen is really a joy to listen to. He adds such an intriguing pace to the game. On odd-man rushes his voice lingers like a skillful russian playmaker, his inflection a direct barometer of the exact degree of pressure the defending team is under at the moment - in essence, his announcing personifies the action and forcefully establishes the suspense in the minds of listeners and the eyes of viewers by vocally supplementing the on-ice action. Sam however is becoming "of age", and there are nights that his broadcasting ability seems to teeter on the age of competence. But, as evidenced by his powerful calling of the Bruins/Sabres game, when it comes down to the playoffs Sam is like the Johan Franzen and his Mighty Wings in that despite constant suggestions of the opposite, he's still got it.

3. The Best Players Play... A Lot.

Tyler Myers is 19, he's 6 foot 8, and he is going to be a stud defenseman. Despite some early season hiccups, he became not only the Sabres most reliable defenseman and not only their most offensively gifted defenseman, but also one of the top defenseman in the league - at age 19. In fact, Myers has progressed so speedily that he is almost playing up to the caliber of the defenseman whom his size and agility enables him to emulate - Zdeno Chara. Last night, the two defenseman wound up matched against one another quite often. In fact, in the process of explaining some of the strategy around the positioning of the players during the 1st overtime to my novice hockey-fan friends, I found myself constantly using "Myers" or "Chara" as examples. I began to wonder how many minutes they were playing. Chara is a horse; known for eating up about 28-30 minutes per night during the regular season and more in the playoffs. But Myers is a rookie, and to keep up to NHL speed for that period of time is grueling for even the most experienced of defensemen, especially the large ones. The final numbers: Myers logged 35 minutes and Chara 37. Make no mistake, this is a lot of minutes. To put it in perspective a basketball game is 48 minutes, much of it is spent standing around. If you figure that a team typically doesn't shoot until the shot clock is 2/3 expired then the game is only 16 minutes. Factor in time on the bench and even lebron is only playing 14-15 minutes a night... WEARING SHOES. In the NHL Playoffs, the best players play and they play a lot.

4. The Best Players Make Clear That They Are The Best Players.

In four games Alex Ovechkin has 8 points. Extrapolated over an entire season and Alex the Great would total 164 points which is unheard of outside of Gretzky's tenure. What is even more amazing about that stat is those 8 points place Ovechkin 3rd in scoring. In 2nd sits his talented centerman, Nik Backstrom, whom I hold to be the most valuable centerman in the league with or without Alex. Without much effort you can guess whose first - If you guessed anyone other than Sidney Crosby then, well, its nice to know there are other Ranger Fans reading this. Crosby has 11 points in 4 games. Watching Alex, and Sid, and Nik (who i truly do believe to be on their level and would fully support the rangers making an offer sheet for) perform thus far has been only minimally about their points, and moreso about their presence. Teams are double and triple teaming the threeseome and in response, the three have simply raised their games. What's more exciting is that the two teams (Pens and Caps) are on a crash course to meet in the Eastern Conference Finals, which brings me to the last reason why the NHL Playoffs are just great.

5. We Don't Have to Watch the Rangers

Use of the word "Rangers" here implies not only the NY team, but also all other NHL disappointments. In the playoffs, both teams show up to play every night. Stupid penalties are cut down, coaches demand accountability from star players, overpaid defenseman still play like all-stars, and young players with the potential to make a difference aren't buried on 4th lines. Instead, fans are treated to intense battles, palyers playing above their skill-levels, the emergence of future stars, poise in net reminiscent of Roy and Brodeur (in his hay day). During the NHL playoffs, if you watch a game you get the classy Wings, the unsolvable Penguins, the forceful Capitals - there's no empty-arena-panthers, no mis-managed Tampa Bay Lightning, no teams from Columbus. Only the best of the best actually make it to the NHL Playoffs - there are no Charlotte Bobcats, and their presence makes for great action appreciated by even the most nay-saying hockey detractors.

OTHER NOTES

My pussy liberal friend joked to me that Oprah was on Obama's shortlist to replace Justice Stevens - I believed him.

People give Tiger Woods a hard time but Marv Albert is still announcing prime time basketball.

Shockingly, Tiger Finishes Masters With a Round at 69

Post #3 Volume #2

The tiger sage really keeps getting better. Every lull is briskly followed by a more shocking than the last revelation. She was a stripper? She was 21? He was on ambien? He TEXT MESSAGES? He's well-endowed? He likes threesomes???? The tiger story in chart firm would be a straight line from the 3rd to the 1st quadrant.

"Listen everyone: I fucked up. At first I was strong; able to resist the constant barrage of sexual opportunities. But one day i got weak, i got lonely, i got careless. On that day i gave in, and once i gave in i started to find ways to excuse my behavior each time until i got so deep into it that it simply stopped seeming wrong. But it was wrong and I'm sorry to all those hurt by my actions. But what i need you all to understand, and perhaps even embrace, is that the situation I was in was nearly impossible to navigate cleanly. I'm only a man and like many others, I succumbed to temptation. I am not addicted to sex nor do i believe that sex can become an addiction. What i do believe is that I was addicted to the excitement that my life entailed, and worse off, had absolutely no means or hope of escaping the clutches of being desired. So I ask that we move on. Rather than treating me like a celebrity, treat me like a man. Judge me if you will but please, i fucked up, lets move on."

Had Tiger's first response to all this awesome commotion been what you read above, i'm confident that more people would hold a sentiment similar to mine in regards to the worlds best golfer, and the worlds only golfing draw. That sentiment is sympahty: Deep, dark, undying sympathy. The manner in which the stories of Tigers' romps have been regurgitated by the national media have made him seem like a ambien-dropping, sex-driven machine. However, a quick look at the play-by-play of the events, and how they've unfolded, clearly demonstrates that there was a lot more in play here than just a "Randy Johnson".

Just a few days ago, we heard that Tiger had sex with his 21 year old neighbor. Oh how could you tiger, you evil evil man. Truth is, there are few straight men who don't at least get excited by the prospect, and while most married-with-children men might resist once, perhaps even twice, upon the third flaunting of young flesh those previously resilient men would instantly begin dropping like flies. And that's if this hypothetical man was, say, out at a bar, in a collegetown, etc... But with Tiger, the circumstances was far more dire. Tiger literally could not leave his driveway without having a girl clearly indicate her desire to sleep with him. Imagine knowing in the back of your head that the second you walked into a perkins, some girl was going to be dropping her set in your face... every time. Tiger's life would make the perfect story for a crappy horror movie where the main character knows that someone's watching them at every corner, waiting to pounce, and that no matter how smart or crafty he or she could be... there was simply NO... WAY... OUT!

What would you do if you woke up for work, walked out of your apartment and got into the elevator only to have a woman instantly start reaching for your shit. And then when you get to starbucks for your coffee, the barista slips you her number on the back of a naked picture of her. You get to work, and your secretary comes in and deliberately bends over in front of you. You call your counterpart in the berlin office and she starts talking dirty to you. You leave your office for the airport and the security guard gets a little too personal. Then on the airplane, the middle aged mom with the fake rack sitting next to you decides to cover you BOTH with the blanket. When you get off the plane, michael jordan is there to pick you up in a limo with half a dozen topless strippers who are already drunk and acting frisky. You get to your hotel and the concierge, while handing you your key, sensually rubs your hand and looks at you licking her lips. Finally when you get up to your room, after only narrowly avoiding the two college girls in short-shorts walking into the room across from you who while giggling invited you in for a drink, your gorgeous swedish super model wife is spread eagle on the couch waiting for you to "end her day".

Sounds nauseating. Shockingly, if you imagine this being your life DAY AFTER DAY, this otherwise awesome story sounds tiresome, annoying, and downright miserable. How many days of this could the average man withstand before managing to convince himself that "ok just this one time" won't do any harm. Makes you understand why Tiger resorted to sleep medications. Perhaps in Tiger's dreams women leave him alone.

Poor Tiger literally could not leave his driveway without having a girl chase him down. Tiger's life became a shitty, never-ending, axe commercial. So enough of the criticism. Enough of the "holier than thou, how could you" approach that all you sinners use to make yourselves feel more righteous. Few if any men can truly understand the plague that became Tiger's life. Rather than looking at him as an asshole, we should sit in prayer and hope this poor man can one day return to a life where vaginas didn't fall from the sky and where even your masters scorecard prods at your sexual escapades.

Other Notes

General Tso/Chao is a deragatory term given to a poor sustinence farmer in undeveloped china. But the chicken is awesome so who cares.

The Arnold Palmer ESPN Commercial is nothing short of awesome.

Walking around outside in summer seems like a great idea until summer comes.

If 1/10th of Central park was dedicated to growing vegetables which were then sold to street vendors, NYC could afford to run the MTA as an effective agency rather than the mockery that its become. I have an easier time getting a train at 4 A.M. than P.M.

Teetering on the Edge of Horribility

Post #2 Volume #2

With two games left in the regular season, the Rangers actually control their own destiny - a term heard so often in sports but seldom accompanied with actual truth. The Rangers, who sit two points behind the 8th seeded Flyers play those same Flyers twice this weekend. Therefore, if the Rangers that beat the Maple Leafs 5-1 rather than those that lost to the Sabres 5-2 decide to show up for both contests, any other games will be completely and entirely irrelevant.
Despite the degree of my fandom, I do not hesitate to acknowledge that the Rangers as they are assembled now are simply not of the caliber necessary to win the Stanley Cup. Yes, there are a slew of prospects in the system capable of developing into the first line forwards the rangers need to adequately compliment Marian Gaborik (Chris Kreider, Ethen Werek, Evgeny Grachev, Derek Stepan to name a few), and yes the rangers show great promise on the blue line with a rapidly maturing Marc Staal, a future offensive weapon in Michael Del Zotto and several more impact players in the pipeline... but for now the rangers simply can't hack it amongst the best teams in the East, or for that matter the west.
Why? Well the answer is simple - the Rangers are too bottom heavy. Too many of the 12 forwards the Rangers ice each night belong on bottom two lines in checking-centric roles. Yet, despite these players' bottom six skills, the shortage of top six threats has caused Coach Tortorella to compensate by giving fringe NHL'ers like Erik Christensen, Brian Prust, Aaron Voros and other considerable top six time.

But DC... what about Gaborik? Didn't he break his single season point record despite missing half a dozen games? And didn't his 85 and counting points far outnumber the 50 something that last years' leading scorer, Nik Zherdev, amassed in a similar total of games played?

The short answer is yes. The long answer follows with a big, mcdonalds craving, no exercise getting but. The problem is that Marian is doing it all alone (duh!). But statistically, this claim garners much more credence. Fais-attention.

The top five teams in the league, based on points accumulated, as of April 8th are:
Washington
San Jose
Phoenix
Vancouver
Chicago

Due to a brew of unrelated reasons, the two teams in the last two cups - Wings and Penguins, are not in this list. However, assuming they will experience considerable success in the upcoming lord stanley's march, we can throw them into the group as further proof of the formula.

What do all of these teams have: Each of these teams has 1 player in the top ten in scoring - we'll call them a top ten:

Alex Ovechkin
Henrik Sedin
Joe Thornton
Patrick Kane
Sidney Crosby

The coyotes are an exception, and have found a back-door to the playoffs. The Red Wings two stars who are typically amongst the top ten, Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg, are heating up just in time for the playoffs.

Marian Gaborik is also a top ten (9th overall in scoring). The next crucial element is where the Rangers fall off. 5 of the 7 aforementioned teams also have a player in the top 20 in league scoring - we'll call them a top 20:

Niclkas Backstrom
Patrick Marleau
Evegeny Malkin
Duncan Keith (we can assume Toews would have been up there if he played a full season. keith, a defenseman, is 24th in scoring)
Daniel Sedin

Hovering immediately below are the two wings mentioned above - further proving the point. Looking down the standings, the teams you'd instantly pick to potentially do some damage in the playoffs both the same 1-2 punch (a top ten and a top twenty).

The Devils have Kovalchuk at 11 and Parise at 18 for example.

So what's the lesson? Well, until the Rangers can clear the cap room necessary to pay another top 20 to supplement the production coming from Marian, one of the league's most dominant players, they simply aren't a member of that echelon of teams widely considered to be contending for the stanley cup. For that reason, should the Rangers sweep the Flyers in this weekend's home and home, DCMSG reccommends taking it as a small step in the direction of future results, rather than a sign that the Rangers have even the slightest chance to compete against alex and nick's caps, especially in light of the fact that Mike Green and Alex Semin of the caps are likewise top 20's. Even more so given our primary counterparts to the caps 2 least dangerous, dangerous weapons are the very guys being paid to be top 20's - Wade Redden and Chris Drury, who combined this season have less points than the Capitals FIFTH OPTION, Brooks Laich!

Other Notes

Shut up Oprah. Please... Shut up.

The 6 train is proof that racism is acceptable underground

If you kill an ant it will probably come back to life just to piss you off later.

And We're Back

Post #1 - Volume #2

Back by Popular Demand

Almost a year having passed since I last bestowed my brilliance upon my faithful readers, I must admit that continuing or perhaps "restarting" dcmsg was amongst a slew of things furthers from my mind. All that changed this morning when a little birdie named "deserved recognition" appeared on my doorstep in the form of my only other jewish friend from college, and the proud owner of the world's largest big toe (as of yet unregistered with Guinness).
I never really expected word of my blog to spread far and wide, let alone at all, but by some mysterious grace of god's glory, April 8th of the year 2010 marks the first time DCMSG received national recognition. The following is an exact transcript of our conversation "note the google nickname i gifted him":

9:35 AM E-Toe: dude
your stupid blog is linked from deadspin
me: ?
E-Toe: http://deadspin.com/5511973/villanova-syracuse-and-the-case-of-the-impregnated-girlfriends?skyline=true&s=i
9:36 AM go down to the link that says syracuse team
9:37 AM someone commented Hey. Click that "Syracuse team" link if you hate yourself.
me: HAHAH no shit
9:38 AM whats deadspin
E-Toe: youve never heard of deadspin?
its like the most famous sports blog
they have broken tons of stories

So there you have it... or do you??? Turns out, the national media wasn't done with my quaint little blog, as referenced by this later conversation with my same friend now known to you as e-toe; Behold:

E-Toe: what the hell is goin on here
me: ?
2:06 PM E-Toe: now troy nunes is an abosulte magician is quotign your stupid blog
http://www.nunesmagician.com/2010/4/8/1411271/big-east-news-notes-arrests#storyjump
2:07 PM me: im a star
fuck yea
WHOO
2:08 PM E-Toe: haha
me: where have i heard this before - meaning hes a regular
y way
E-Toe: haha
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100408/ap_en_tv/us_tv_jersey_shore_copycat;_ylt=ArFRyO_.X2r.7Fo32bYOvbJxFb8C;_ylu=X3oDMTJyb3ZscHR1BGFzc2V0A2FwLzIwMTAwNDA4L3VzX3R2X2plcnNleV9zaG9yZV9jb3B5Y2F0BGNwb3MDMgRwb3MDNARzZWMDeW5fdG9wX3N0b3J5BHNsawNqZXJzZXlzaG9yZXA-
2:09 PM this is gonna be the worst show ever

8 minutes
2:17 PM me: does nunes' blog get a lot of viewers?
2:18 PM E-Toe: i mean in terms of syracuse blogs
its a really good blog
me: hmmm iu like it
E-Toe: the guy who writes is really funny
me: im on the toip of my game
dust off the bloggin shoes
E-Toe: yea its aweosme
please dont

Now as you can probably tell - e-toe is not an "open" fan of DCMSG; rather, he's maliciously lurking in the back of that large closet of his. Well i say this - FUCK YOU E-TOE - you know you're reading this so therefore I win... again.

Other Notes

Troy Nunes apparently doesn't actually write the Troy Nunes blog. How do i know this? because at the end of the column in which he referenced my masterful stroke of keyboard, he said something along the lines of "this is why you should never have a girlfriend." WILL THE REAL TROY NUNES PLEASE STAND UP. When i was a freshman at Syracuse, there was one girl out of 8500 that every guy knew. Her name was marcy and she was the captain of the dance team. She was a senior and she was really really attractive - i mean really. Oh, and she dated Troy Nunes... the real one.

Is anyone else not excited at all at the prospects of a Sandra Bullock sex-tape?

Is anyone else surprised that Sandra Bullock's name isn't actually Sondra Bullock?

Who the hell is two boots to charge 3.75 for a slice of plain, shitty pizza.

All Brett out of Shape

Post #3 Topic: What did you REALLY expect?

 

                No one ever claimed that playing in New York was easy. Ask Carlos Delgado just how quickly New York fans can decide to hate you, grow to love you, abandon you and then find room in their tainted hearts for you once again. Ask Jaromir Jagr how many goals it takes to get the crowd back on your side and he’ll answer… 1, which is not so strangely the same amount of games where if you fail to score your mere presence will garner boos.  Ask John Starks how many three pointers you need to miss in one NBA Finals game before fans will ignore your first and only all-star season and label you for quarantine, and you’ll think he was in cahoots with #68.

                Then change the frame of your questions, and ask Eli what an athlete must do to coerce his city’s fans to develop an infinite allegiance and he’ll tell you win a title. Ask Mark Messier if he felt rushed to retire given his increasing age, decreasing production, and receded hairline and he’s sure to reply no.  Simply stated, once you win a championship in New York, you’ve successfully insulated yourself from the undulating waves of emotions that have both blessed and plagued the careers of some of the most talented athletes to step foot in the big apple, including Starks, Delgado, and Jaromir (ok maybe not Starks but for arguments sake just go with it Jim).

                When Brett Favre signed as a Jet he was an instant hit. Fans adored his charisma, admired his accomplishments, honored his records and praised Green Bay brass for even considering letting the almighty Brett escape the confines of the l’etat du fromage en route to a Wranglerless wilderness named NYC.

                Now the Jets find themselves 1-2, facing the potential perils of a lost season – and nothing in sports is more difficult than showing up in weeks 8-18 to get your ass beat into the ground, already knowing that the chances of a playoff birth are grim if not extinct. But realistically Jets fans…. What did you expect, how much better did you envision that Brett Favre could make this team? Perhaps you expected them to catapult to the top of a suddenly intriguing AFC East? Maybe a wildcard birth? Maybe you just went with your gut and predicted super bowl  as so many of you ignorantly did even before Brady’s season was over. But what you didn’t do is look into the pudding which as Confucius tells us, is often where the proof lies.

                In 2007 Brett Favre had a 66.5% completion rating which placed him 4^th in the league behind efficiency stalwarts Drew Brees, Tom Brady and not entirely ironically, Chad Pennington. Favre likewise finished 4^th in yards, ranking behind two of the aforementioned three, exchanging only Chad for Tony Romo… but fuggeddhaboddit.  In touchdowns Favre finished ranked 6^th, due partially to the anomaly of a season produced by Derek Anderson, and the fact that Ben Roethlisberger is, like Favre, a super-bowl winning quarterback. Combining all these and other relevant statistical conclusions we get the suggestive but confusing “quarterback rating” – a race in which Favre once again finished 6^th. Average his ranking over these 4 crucial categories and we can, despite some argument, say that Brett Favre was the 5^th best QB in the league last year, and in doing so, declare that he was a wonderful acquisition.

                But as physics demand, as time goes, we grow older, gravity runs its course, our bones begin to ache and our athletic prowess shrinks like a dick out of the pool; quickly, suddenly and sometimes resulting in nothing but embarrassment (Seinfeld). Look at Brett’s 2006 performance:  26^th best completion percentage, 6^th in yards (typically his strongpoint), in a 4 way tie for 13^th in touchdowns, and 25^th in quarterback rating, behind the likes of Rex Grossman, Alex Smith, J.P. Losman and MICHAEL VICK… remember him.

                So which one was the anomaly? The terrible 2006 year or the great 2007 year? The two Green Bay teams were essentially identical with nothing but several parts being “fine-tuned” in ’07. Statistically speaking, 2006 was the bottom of what had been a several-year progression towards being “too old” to be Brett Favre. So, with logic as our friend and enemy (frienemy), we can conclude that the ’07 might have been somewhat of a “second (perhaps third) wind” for Mr. Favre, a fact which in stating their expectations, Jets fans refused to acknowledge.  Even averaging the two seasons’ statistical output we’re left with a “serviceable quarterback”. But Chad Pennington was serviceable.

                Nonetheless Brett was anointed the savior of a team just one year removed from a season worth forgetting. Given the weight of New York (which is heavier than the weight of the world, convincingly defeating the sum of the parts is greater than the whole argument… I think). But what were jets really expecting? An improvement over Brett’s previous year, miraculous performance in which he turned a decent core of receivers into a weekly threat? You don’t need the MNF staff to tell you that Coles and Cotchery aren’t quite Jennings and Driver.

                SO in any other city I’d say lay off Jets fans. Let Brett complete 30 of 45 passes for a few hundred yards a couple TD’s and perhaps one more interception. Let him lead you to a 8-8 season while you try to get the rest of the roster in order so that come the time when a true “Franchise QB” enters the equation, the parts are in place to MAKE him succeed. But you can’t do that in the big apple, where even the biggest signing in the history of the jets can go from wonderful to what the fuck in a new York minute.

 

Other Notes

 

Is it just me or are girls slowly getting shorter and shorter….

If you combine a google phone and an iphone do you get a googlyeye phone…. Because that would be sweet.

A real steak lover is someone willing to eat it with a spoon.

A Krusty Situation

The Times.. They are a changin!

Topic #1(2) - Witchcraft.

I am stealing this topic straight from the headlines of ESPN.com - so sue me. Recently (yesterday), soccer fans were murdered in the Congo during their efforts to escape from a stadium engulfed in riotous riots. Turns out that one of the players (with a nearly unidentifiable name), feeling that his teamneeded an edge over the competition, reverted to one of the most common forms of game manipulation outside of steroids... YES, witchcraft.

Turns out that the COngolians believe in "fetish-casting". As per wikipedia, fetishism involves givinghuman powers to inanimate objects. During the game, with his team down, click-click-smoke signal decided to cast a fetish on the opposing team. This in itself does not signify the end of the world.

Rather, it was the reaction of the authorities that suggests... They know something we don't know. Seeing this athlete (the goalie nonetheless) cast a "fetish", the police stormed the field to prevent him from casting the fetish. From this we can deduce that Congoite police believe in this tomfoolery. But again, this on its own does not signify the end of the world. No instead, it was the reaction of the fans.

When the police attempted to stop the witchcraft, fans became so outraged that they started throwing rocks (which apparently replace popcorn at concession stands in the congolympics) at the cops... hijinx ensued. And they say New Yorkers are the best fans in the world (and phili fans the worst). As of yesterday I would have to disagree and say that the pedastel belongs to the Congolese. These fans love their squads so much

that they're willing to permit witchcraft if it helps secure a victory. And don't dare stand in their way, because as Bob Dylan so mercifully preached - everybody must get stoned.

So the secret is out - there is such thing as witchcraft and the world is going to end. Think about the possibilities! Can you imagine turning on ESPN only to find out that Tiger's old caddie has admitted that Tiger has been using witchcraft all these years to win tournaments - and to think John Daly quit drinking to become more competitive... what a waste, what a quitter! I can see it now, "Barry Bonds escapes incarceration; explains that witchcraft and not steroids made his head so big". The possibilities are endless - NBA Referees acquitted of fixing charges when Former Congo Residents DJ Mbenga and Desagana Diop admit to having used witchcraft to help the Lakers beat the Kings.

Witchcraft... its like the cousin coming out of the closet that you never expected, and are suddenly forced to deal with. Witchcraft; its here, its certainly queer, and it signals the end of the world.

NEXT ENTRY: Weird subway fundraising techniques.

Other Sports Notes:

Hockey season is starting in three weeks…

The Mets are the best 7-inning team in baseball.

Sam Cassell is still… the ugliest player in the NBA.

Chad Johnson might be able to beat Michael Phelps in swimming, but Michael Phelps could start at any position for the Bengals.

Le Retourne

Does anyone else love Jerry Manuel? I dare to ask what he’s smoking. This guy is having the best time i’ve ever seen a manager have. Jerry Manuel told a reporter that he wanted chicken fingers with A LOT of ketchup (ha ha ha)… Exactly… Jerry Manuel is on something and if anyone can direct me towards his dealer I’d be greatly obliged. Solution to the Mets problem is very VERY simple. Santana has been despite his record… an ace. Pelfrey has turned not into the legitimate #3 we hoped he would (replacing the pending #2 (actually an ace) Kazmir), but a solid, scary, reliable #2. That lets Olli slip to the less scrutinized #3 that allows him better matchups, Johnny Maine into the #4 where he can be the only 15 game #4 winner. All that is in the five is in the name… five (5) good innings and we’re thrilled… finally a use for Schoenweiss, and the rest of the three musketeers (all four of them). Oh and Pedro – best setup man in the league? Who wants to hit Pedro in the 6^th and 7^th night to night? By the way...Manny? Nah. Matt Holliday? Ehh… Lets see what Fernando can do (don’t see Alex Ochoa, Alex Escobar and REY ORDONEZ). The team is firing, the east is falling and the NL is a cemetery. Call it right place at right time but I…. yes I, love Jerry Manuel.

Meet the Mets

Post #58 Topic: That’ll be $12 and All Your Dignity

The Mets have sunk to an all new low. Tomorrow night, the Mets will be losing to the Nationals, and some poor schmuck will be sitting in the ratty 23^rd street theatres watching the game, in a canola oil saturated seat, with his feet sticking to the floor, with his view obstructed by Mr. Met. To help you fully understand how angry this makes me, let me take you back.

First of all, when the Rangers were playing the Penguins (more recent than it seems), the lovely folks at Madison Square Garden presented fans with the opportunity to watch the away games in the Ziegfield theatre, which apparently is a “New York Institution”, for the decent price of $40. The only thing sadder??? The stupid event sold out the night before the game. Anyway…

Around 5:30 I got a message on my Gmail account from another Cardozo-attending Mets fan. There’s something about the jews that makes them love the mets – maybe its that like the Jews, the Mets have always been the underdogs or maybe its just because Jews are scared of the people that inhabit the streets surrounding Yankee Stadium. Either way, the conversation unfolded as follows (names have been changed to protect me)

Jim: http://newyork.mets.mlb.com/nym/ticketing/metsatmovies.jsp?partnerId=enymnl05072008

some of us are gonna go if you're interested

me: Jim, i would rather choke on a gigantic… (words edited out for the sake of decency) but thank you for considering me.

Jim was mad. Jim thought that it was the idea of accompanying him to the event that caused me to suggest inhaling a dark falic object. I quickly informed Jim that it was instead the prospects of attending such an absurd event that caused my oral diarrhea.

So you don’t have to click on that bullshit above, allow me to elaborate. For $12, Mets fans can watch an upcoming game at a neighborhood movie theatre. During the game, fans will be able to purchase stadium-like concessions (uhhh… you mean soda and popcorn douchebag?), compete in between-inning trivia (sweet, you mean 200 drunk people yelling out “Mike Piazza” which for nostalgia’s sake is bound to be the answer to at least ½ of the questions), and get this… the kicker, all fans in attendance get to meet Mr. Met. That’s right, the Mets have paid some high school kid to get so baked that he actually thinks he is Mr. Met, and walk around greeting unsuspecting fans who - due to Mr. Met’s costume having only 4 fingers - don’t realize that where it counts Mr. Met is gladly flipping the bird. Yup, Mets at the Movies, the end of the fucking world – I’m pissed.

me: watch a Mets game in a grimy movie theatre for more than it costs to go to a game... how about you pick a game, any saturday or sunday day game or friday night game, and ill get tickets and we can go and ill even rip your stub like we're in the movies.

Any Mets fan can attend Mets at the Movies for $12. Any non-severely retarded Mets fan can get tickets to ANY HOME GAME, on Stubhub for $2. Yeah that’s right, 2 measly bucks gets you entrance into the actual event, whereas $12 forces you to hear how awesome Speedracer was when you get stuck in the exit crowd while trying to escape the whining babies in the 4^th inning. What does misery sound like in Dolby Surround?

me: and that west 23rd street theatre BLOWS

Seriously, this is one of the worst theatres in the world, and I’ve actually been EVERYWHERE. The seats are on a nearly-flat plane, there are no head supports, the armrests are too thin, there is nowhere to rest your feet and it smells like ass. Plus, you have to crank something to get sound to come out and the projector isn’t sufficiently technologically advanced to play motion pictures. This theatre sucks, got lost in time, left behind by the 42^nd street behemoths that so conveniently forced the hookers and trannies to seek refuge in my otherwise quaint little neighborhood – the best village.

me: yes ive seen those ads for this on the mets broadcast, and not to impose my feelings but it makes me sick. Sucking money out of people by charging them $12 to watch a game in a Dungeness theatre,

crooks!

No such thing as half-way crooks, only the real full-blown crooks, the same ones who sign Roberto Alomar and Mo Vaughn for ridiculous deals and then pass the cost on to customers through elevated parking prices and absurd handling fees when ordering tickets.

me: and just getting people used to the fact that once Citi field opens they wont be able to afford a day at the stadium very sad.

It’s true people, Citi Field will be a luxury experience that only the luxurious will be able to afford. The stadium has 10,000 less seats and if you think they’re eliminating 10,000 bleacher seats well then you belong at Mets at the Movies. As recently as three years ago you could get into Shea for $2 if you brought a Coke can and a student I.D.. Now, the cheapest you can get is a $5 upper deck seat for 1 game against the Expos, sorry Nationals. Shea is getting really expensive.

So what do they do? Simple! Find another way to extort people’s money. If people all of the sudden can’t afford to go to the stadium (they’ll probably segregate the sushi bar), they will cease being Mets fans – going to Shea is what a lot of lower and middle class families used to do for family activities because it was affordable – hardly anymore and before long not at all. So how do we keep these people around? By essentially expanding Citi Field. Bringing Mr. Met? Selling hot dogs? Mets trivia? Sounds an awful lot like the Mets are trying to fool people into thinking that the theatre is just an extension of the stadium.

Jim: yeah that is heartbreaking the whole aura the mets have going for them is they're the team the underdogs can support its gonna be $300 for a family of 4 to go to a ballgame now

As do most people who read my blog, Jim was starting to come around.

me: yeah its absurd this movie thing is creating a bad precedent by equating watching elsewhere to being at the games - watch next year when you buy tickets, and enter your date, you have to select stadium or stadium satelite. Pretty ingenious but downright fucking awful. They’re going to fool all these poor fans into thinking that the theatre is the stadium. (In a stoned, Matthew McConaughey from Dazed and Confused voice) It’s the movies… MAN!!! See with Citi field shrinking, there will always be demand for seats. The more lower income bracketers they can dump into the movie theatre, the more the stadium becomes an elitist colony, and the higher prices they can charge.

Jim: hahaha. I sense a blog coming on

Jim had caught on afterall.

Jim: no you're right. I hadn't taken the time to really think it out. I could watch it on my own television with a dog and a beer for $3

me: yes exactly

Jim: I guess they got me because a movie is $12 so it seemed fair and I've never been to that movie theatre because I'm allergic to the west side.

Mets at the movies huh? Is there any semblance of honor left in the world? Ironically the real winner here is the crappy movie theatre – here’s my logic. People start going to watch the Mets games at the movies. Eventually they start forgetting the difference and the Mets have created a way to essentially fit twice the capacity into Citi Field. Pretty soon people start walking by the movies and associating their passing by with Baseball – so they go in and catch a shitty flick. Strangely, the movie suddenly feels like a baseball game. Then, the person realizes they can get their baseball fix by going to the movies, and suddenly a former baseball fan is a Marvel comics fan. THEN (and this is the ultimate kicker) the next time they’re watching a game on tv, or debating going to the stadium, they consider the 4 hr baseball commitment and decide instead that they’d easily be better off just catching a movie – take that Wilpon jackass bush league sucka.

Other Notes

The Cavs-Celts game tonight (9/12) had the best single moment of announcing ever. As Lebron dunked over KG (by the way the Celtics are surprisingly soft and the Hawks suck), we hear… Lebron James WITH NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE – awesome!

Mmmm I’m telling you now, the greatest thing you ever can do now, is trade a smile with someone who’s blue now, its very easy just-a.

Scientology is retarded. I get it, its not news. But, the other day I went to a scientology consultation and now I feel really bad for myself. L. Ron Hubbard is a creepy, creepy dude. Don’t believe me? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L._Ron_Hubbard. Not to mention that they didn’t even let me go to the celebrity center – I had to go to the normal people one, next to the Subway and, well a subway.

Why is Charles Barkley not running for president. He’s amazing! And Sir Charles make Magic look like he takes the short bus. And he’s slightly better looking than Hillary.

What came first the pillow or the mattress? Was a guy sleeping on hard ground with a pillow when he realized “man my head is so comfortable but my body is achy”. Or was that man sleeping on a mattress, spending sleepless nights trying to figure out where to put his head?

Today I realized it was time to leave school when I dozed off face first into a plate of wasabi and soy sauce and was woken by the librarian, with crap all over my face, telling me not to eat in the library.

Thanks Hank

Post #57 Topic: Money for nothing, Santana for free

You need go back but a month to quickly become privy to my sentiments on the Mets acquisition of Johan Santana. Sure he hasn’t pitched santanaishly yet, and sure he’s given up a couple home runs (more than he should be giving up I know!). But Santana has always made his most impressive runs in the 2^nd half, which based on the shaping up of things in the NL East, is when the Mets are most inclined to need him. Santana will win 16 games; he’ll strike out 150 batters and pitch 200 innings – minimum. What he will NOT be doing, is pitching for the cross-town Bronx Bombs.

The fact that Santana is not pitching for the Yankees is quickly turning into one of the biggest jokes in baseball. Balls-deep in their pride, when given the opportunity to pull the trigger on Santana by including one of either Phil Hughes or Ian Kennedy (yes, only one of them, in addition to Melky Cabrera), the Yankees declined, claiming that “these were the cornerstones of the future Yankees”. Ok, maybe Hank never actually said that, but based upon his actions (or omissions if you’re a shark) you can tell that he was thinking it.

So the Yankees, who had all the offensive firepower that a team could ever ask for, went into the season relying heavily on what was for the most part, an unproven rotation. Chien-Ming Wang as their ace, and perhaps the only sure-thing amongst their starters, has been as good as advertised: 6-0, 3.00 E.R.A., and an uncharacteristic but pleasantly surprising 32 K’s. After that… well things aren’t so fine and dandy. Andy Pettitte’s been decent – 3-3 with a 3.93 E.R.A.. Mussina, although 4-3, has been shaky at best with a 4.23 E.R.A.. Keep in mind that this is a team that paid 46 million dollars to bring Kei Igawa over from the orient only to see him buried in AAA Wilkes-Barre: anyone who has been to Wilkes-Barre (myself) or perhaps seen the office knows that Wilkes Barre is no choice place to be buried!

But the Yankees didn’t need to worry about their veteran starting pitchers… did they? They had Phil Hughes, the one time #1 ranked prospect in all of baseball (according to Yankees Fans), and Ian Kennedy – the NEXT GREG MADDUX. Well, as so very often is the case, Yankee management was dead wrong. 6 feet under wrong. That #1 ranked prospect? 0-4 with a stunning E.R.A. of 9.00 (only a run an inning!!!), and now found on the DL until what optimistic forecasters are calling July. And Kennedy? The piece that absolutely couldn’t be included in a trade for Santana? Well, he’d better speak Chinese because his new roommate Kei Igawa has a locker room reputation as being a motormouth. Kennedy earned his sudden $30 per diem and upscale motel 8 lodgings by commencing the season (in a very un Greg Maddux like fashion) 0-2 with an 8.37 E.R.A..

This is not me saying that these guys will never be good pitchers, not even me saying that they can’t become stars. It’s just me saying that… “wouldn’t Johan look so great in that rotation, after Wang?” The answer regardless of who you are is an emphatic yes. The Yankees could certainly have afforded to give up one of these “future aces” to bring in Johan. Instead they let him fall to the Mets at a bargain basement price. Imagine Wang, Santana, Pettite, JOBA with Mussina as your 5^th starter, giving Hughes or Kennedy (whichever survived) a chance to hone their potential by pitching another year in Wilkes-Barre. THAT… would be a formidable yankee team; that would be a team that the Red Sox would fear.

But now the Red Sox can rest assured that in any given week, 3/5 of the Yankees scheduled starters are going to get roughed up. And should those starters exit before the 7^th, that Kyle Farnsworth will be there to make matters worse – where’s Carl Pavano? As for the Yankees; instead of worrying about catching the Red Sox, they’re worried about how they’re going to pitch to the suddenly potent Devil Rays – imagine the panic in the Bronx when the Rays get Kazmir back, realize they’re ACTUAL contenders, and sign Barry Bonds to plug the DH spot… then what are the Yankees going to do?

Whatever they decide on as the appropriate course of action – they’d better do it quick. While the Yankees have the sluggers to keep them in games, they don’t have the starting pitching to get them into those games in the 1^st place. Now the Yankees are hovering around .500, already distancing themselves from the wild card leaders. Yes! It’s early in the season, but the earliness of it all carries both positive and negative tidings (not of the yule distinction). Positive: the Yankees have time. Negative: the teams the Yankees are most likely to be competing with for that wild card spot come the tail end of the season, Cleveland, Detroit, Seattle, Chicago, etc., etc., etc… haven’t gotten their gears going yet either. The distinction: without Santana backing up Wang, the Yankees are left with the weakest rotation out of all those clubs.

The Tigers have Bonderman, Verlander, Dontrelle, Nate Robertson, and the non-aging Kenny Rogers – a rotation far stronger than that of the Yankees. The Mariners have King Felix and Erik Bedard and Carlos Silva, three horses that although have yet to find their stride certainly soon will. The Indians have baseball’s best pitcher (outside Arizona) thus far into the season – Cliff Lee. With Fausto Carmona coming on strong and C.C. Sabathia showing signs of regaining his location, the Indians have perhaps the toughest front 3 in baseball. As for those Chicago White Sox, their rotation may not have as heavy an arsenal as some of the other teams just mentioned, but they do have one thing – WORLD SERIES EXPERIENCE, which but for a couple of roided out years nearly a decade ago, the Yankees rotation lacks entirely.

So tell us now Hank, that the Yankees’ prospects were too good to include in a trade for Santana. When you’re done; tell us how you plan to restore the once young and suddenly aged and moldy Yankees rotation back to respectability.

Other Notes

Jagr is next to godliness. Should he not be back next year, he will sorely be missed.

Fish genocide: learn about the history to prevent it in the future.

Sushi – always delicious, even when its not.

Lets Go Rangers a.k.a. Crosby Sucks

Post #56 Topic: 1 down 3 to go

Twice in the storied history of the NHL has there been a case where a team down 3-0 in a best of 7 series has been able to sport a comeback, and take said series. This statistic suggests that what the Rangers are attempting to do is not actually impossible… just incredibly difficult. Unfortunately, what that statistic fails to consider is that those other miraculous comebacks did not take place against a team boasting 2 of the league’s 3 most dominant players. Yes, the Penguins have 2 of the NHL’s 3 most prized competitors – Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin – both of whom are firing on what somehow earned the distinction of being “all cylinders”. By no means are the Rangers a lackluster team; we could never accurately claim that the Blueshirts don’t have their own arsenal of explosive firepower; and in the experience department the Rangers’ skaters certainly take the proverbial cake. But as delicious as cake may be, it doesn’t help come back from a 3-0 deficit, especially not when the trailing team is, as we speak, leaving on a Jet plane with the fear that they might be back, playing golf, all too soon (Rest in Peace John Denver, who was never ever full of shit).

So the odds are stacked… so what? Who cares? Big deal!!!! Crazier things have happened, especially in the wide world of sports. Mahmoud Abdul Rauf got a technical foul for an uncontrollable tourrette’s syndrome outbreak during an otherwise normal rendition of the national anthem. Well that’s about all I can think about but still it brings validity to the whole crazier things have happened concept.

After game 3, in which the Rangers clawed back from a 2 goal deficit only to draw a stupid penalty and allow the insatiable Pen’s power play unit to crack the game wide open again, the mood surrounding the team was somber at best.

Would game 4 be Brendan Shanahan’s last in an NHL jersey? Did the Rangers defense need a complete overhaul (different topic for a different day)? Would Jaromir Jagr be playing his last game in the garden, for the team that he helped revitalize after a decade of underachieving and overpaying? Would Tom Renney be blamed for falling short again and find the axe, leaving the best job in the NHL vacant? Would the signings of Chris Drury and Scott Gomez result in a regression rather than the expected progression, leading fans to question the worth of the enormous investment? The mood surrounding the team, in the press, on tv, and in the minds of fans reflected that after just 60 more minutes of hockey, a year that will hopefully for a long time be remembered as the year the Rangers finally cashed in on their poised drafting and young talent development, could like a match in the wind be effortlessly extinguished.

The sentiment was infectious, almost impossible to ignore. Magically, there were several Rangers who seemed un-phased by the state of things, and provided a hint that this team may, just may not have been entirely finished.

The Captain, who as DCMSG forecasted after mid-season saved himself for the playoffs acknowledged that his next game could be his last, but swore that his team remained full of fight. Young center, Brandon Dubinsky, who almost overnight has turned into one of the leaders of this mostly young ranger team mentioned that “these were the types of situations were good hockey players were supposed to step up”, as passed along to him earlier in the year by the man they call “Shanny”. And then there was Henrik, the King, who left us with: “Every year it doesn’t happen, it gets closer to the day that it’s going to happen again”. Lundqvist was referring to the inevitability that one day, a team would again return from a 3 game deficit to advance to the next round. Although it’s too early to make any promises, too foolish to provide opponents with any extra motivation – Henrik may have been onto something.

Courtesy of some “higher powers” (the Russian Mafia), I was fortunate enough to attend game 4. Seeing as anyone reading this has most likely already read the papers, I’ll leave my summary short and sweet. The garden was rocking – louder than it’s ever been (not an exaggeration, the papers seemed to agree). At no point did the game go more than 2 minutes without a raucous chant from the crowd – from the basic Jagr chant, to the traditional Hen-Rik, to the “Crosby Sucks”, voices were lost in unison. Hen-rik stood on his head. Marc Staal’s ability seemed to progress another year’s worth, placing his talent-age at nearly 50. Petr Prucha showed flashes of the 30 goal scorer that he was not too long ago. Brenadn Shanahan showed up to play for the first time in a few games. Oh, and then there was Jaromir, feeding off that energy he stored up during the regular season, getting involved on all 3 ranger goals (scoring 2), placing him alone at the top of the pack of playoff scorers. Man was Jagr good, double shifting nearly the entire game, taking the heat off of Scotty Gomez for having one of his more “invisible” games as a ranger. And now we go back to Pittsburgh for game 5, hoping to, as Jagr said, “let ourselves play one more game”. And as demonstrated by their embarrassing conduct at the end of the 3^rd, the Pens are clearly nervous, and certainly on their heels. The time to strike is now – the iron is hot and the Rangers have learned to exploit the Penguins’ biggest weakness – even strength. The time to climb back in for real is Sunday at 2 P.M.

I have to comment again on the crowd. In one of my 1^st posts I mentioned that I still get chills every time I walk into the garden. When the team you’re supporting is playing well, there is no place to be like the garden – it smells like sports. Game 4 was one of those rare moments in time when that initial chill lasts for the entire game. For the first time in years and years, it truly seemed that every person in attendance was a fan, and as mentioned above – the place was rocking. Corny as it may sound, events like this, when the excitement reigns so thick it can be bottled, makes a fan proud to live in New York and to be part of one of the greatest traditions in professional sports – being a stupid, obnoxious New Yorker. Hopefully the players captured some of that excitement and can use it in game 5 to open up an opportunity to play just one (but hopefully two) more games.

Other Notes

Chang! You’re not Chinese? This changes everything…

Who is Johan Franzen?

I have like ten packs of index cards in my desk drawer. Occasionally, when I’m feeling very motivated to study, I take them out and make note cards. Then they sit on my desk for two days. Then I start using them to hold chewed gum when I’m not near a garbage can. Then I throw them away. Then I realize I’m out of note cards and go buy more – evil empire shit.

The guy at Petco, who is semi-retarded, knows an unbelievably ridiculous amount about algae. I’ve had a fish tank for 15 years and have this algae growing that I’ve never seen before. After a game of 20 questions, where I was asked whether the algae was more filamentous or coarse, forest or dark green, and rapidly spreading or just “normally” so, he identified my algae as a rare strain known as “black beard algae” – fucking pirates are taking over the world, one fishtank at a time.

Concussions are the new hangovers – if you didn’t get one you just weren’t partying hard enough.

Street benches are the new Apple stores.

Bud light tastes different every time you drink it. Tonight it was good.

Anyone: Tyson, Jordan, JACKSON.

Post #55 Topic: Right Guy – Wrong Role

After another tempestuous season, the Knicks have once again begun the search for the head coach that will lead them back to NBA Glory Land. According to David Stern’s beliefs, if all goes well this year’s finals will involve the only team in the NBA that truly matters. Yes, when asked who his ideal finals would consist of, Scarsdale Native and member of dysfunctional commissioner’s club (populated by Gary Bettman, Paul Tagliabue and most recently, Roger Goodell) David Stern retardedly retorted: “the lakers against the lakers”

Uness Stern meant Lakers vs. that other team that plays their home games in the Staples Center, the Clippers, he’s either delusional or all too lusional (yes it’s a word). Afterall, this past summer we saw Kobe take on the entire Lakers organization and until Pao Gasol gets matched up against an NBA caliber center (not Nene or Kenyon Martin), we won’t truly know the victor of that oft-publicized battle of bullshit-land.

If Stern had a 2^nd choice, regarding who from the east he’d like to see play the Lakers, all hints suggest that he would give the nod to the Celtics. However, given the recent scare raised by the previously unheralded, young, exciting, and athletic Atlanta Hawks, fans are starting to believe that the Celtics will always be, regardless of who occupies their team bus, 1 Michael Jordan short of a championship – just ask DeShawn Stevenson’s awkward beard; there is only one Michael Jordan.

Stern’s 3^rd choice would certainly be the Knicks. The Knicks have all the makings of an NBA cash cow: a fan base who’s loyalty would magically reappear the second their record rose above .500 for what would feel like the 1^st time since Willis Reed roamed the garden hardwood, a huge television market, and the ability to use a championship run to validate going ever further above the dollar for dollar luxury tax fringe. To put it in Laymen’s terms (or maybe Layden’s terms), if the Knicks reached the finals people would watch.

But you can’t just get to the finals. No, you need to assemble the appropriate cast which requires bringing in the right GM to bring in the right team, the right coach to coach that right team, and finally… the right team.

The GM position is an easy one to fill - Knicks fans would be thrilled with pretty much anyone who would pass up on French culinary expert Frederick Vice in the 1^st round of the NBA draft, or be wise enough not to hinge the next 5 years of the team’s success on the deadly frontcourt duo of Zach Randolph and Eddie Curry, co-starting members of the all-ways disappointing team. The Knicks’ next GM has a simple job: let contracts expire, trade those pieces that still retain some value, keep Renaldo Balkman, Wilson Chandler, David Lee and MAYBE…just MAYBE, keep Malik Rose around for some veteran presence (assuming there’s not a SINGLE other team that would desire his services, given how terrible his experience has been in NY). Then, if all goes according to plan, the GM can field an aggressive offer for Lebron, D-Wade, Carmelo or Chris Bosh when their contracts expire in 3 more years.

Then there’s the coaching position, perhaps the most important element for a rebuilding team. The right coach will be young enough to relate to the young players, but old enough to know how the game was played before NBA locker rooms began doubling as munitions shops and tattoo parlors. The right coach will understand how to play an up-tempo game to keep pace with the Hornets, the Magic and the Jazz of the new NBA, but will also recognize a team’s defensive deficiencies and how to cure them. The right coach will bring a fresh approach to the game that will force the players to learn a new system, rather than relying on the currently implemented one which so clearly doesn’t function as planned. But the right coach will also feel comfortable bringing in more experienced veteran assistant coaches (Herb Williams?) as the ship’s anchor.

According to sources, including the New York Post and Rick Pitino, that man is Mark Jackson, one time point guard for almost every team in the league. Jackson satisfies that bullshit, nonsensical “high basketball IQ” requirement, knows that defense comes first, understands the value of a pass first, ball movement oriented offenses, comprehends the effects of a cohesive unit and most importantly can help bring the fans back to the seats. Mark Jackson is the right person, being considered for the wrong ROLE.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that the NBA is once again shifting away from big man dominance (sorry D-Howard, Chris Bosh and Yi Yi Jianlian) to a little man’s game. The change began with Steve Nash who ushered in a new generation of court marshals who have elevated their clubs with fast play, heady offense, touchstone passing and when open, deadly penetration (the best type) – see Deron Williams, Chris Paul, Rajon Rondo (yes Rajon Rondo), Manu Ginobili/Tony Parker, etc., etc., etc…

To win, you need a good point guard. Detroit never would have won without Chauncey Billups, the Lebrons would never have reached the finals but for Lebron, and the Spurs, well the Spurs are just too damn good (and may still be). So Mark Jackson is the right person for the Knicks – he’s just not being cast appropriately.

As far as things go now, MARK JACKSON SHOULD BE THE POINT GUARD FOR THE NEW YORK KNICKS. I’ve said it once before and I’ll say it again, Stephon Marbury is the biggest running joke in all of New York sports. Bigger than the Jets, Bigger than Roger Clemens’ lying problem, bigger than the Madison Square Garden Ice – Stephon Marbury is the heart and soul of no heart and soul.

And Jamal Crawford is not the answer. And neither is Nate Robinson. Neither of these guys can run an offense – Jamal is shoot first and Nate is panic first cry later; two roundball theories whose only homes are whatever court the Washington Generals are playing on and Rucker park. Neither guy plays defense. Neither guy is an efficient penatrator – Jamal because his handle sucks and Nate because he’s a dwarf. Neither guy plays effective defense and neither guy seems willing to learn. Mark Jackson will bring all of these elements and on top of that has a career average of approximately 5 rebounds per game.

You may joke that Mark is old, but recall which point guard previously lead the Knicks to the finals. Forget? I’ll give you a hint; it wasn’t Starbury. Derek Harper! Before that? DOC RIVERS!!!! And who plays an awful lot like Derek Harper? Mark Jackson. Taking 25 shots a game out of the point guard’s hand will do wonders for the Knicks. It will force defenses to play closer attention to David Lee, who has shown that when given the minutes (Isiah felt inclined to limit him to 25 per), can be an efficient producer around the rim . Quentin Richardson can be an effective 3, so long as the ball isn’t being dumped to him from the top of the key – Q was effective when Nash drove and dished, an art that Mark Jackson is partially responsible for perfecting (see Reggie Miller). Even Zack Randolph can assume a more important role, collapsing defenses and leaving none other than MARK JACKSON open for the occasional 3/re-dump in – Mark Jackson brings every element that the Knicks have so desperately been missing.

So if you’re reading this Donnie Walsh, you’re on the right track. But… should you acquire the services of Mr. Jackson, don’t forget he likes his shorts short.

Other Notes

Roger Clemens is a walking storyboard. Everytime his name comes up I get this urge to start penning a sitcom. Yesterday, Roger denied having a 10 year affair with a long time family friend and unfamed country singer. Today that country singer said Roger was lying – that they had an affair. Apparently Roger thinks he’s impervious to truth seekers. The Rocket – 8 PM on Tuesdays, UPN.

Scientific evidence suggests that its physically impossibly for a girl to not go to an 80’s party.

Set out runnin’ but I’ll take my time, a friend of the devil is a friend of mine.

Read this – this is the most insane story I’ve ever heard… If it weren’t for their delicious schnitzel I’d have lost all respect for Vienna - http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/04/29/austria.cellar/index.html

Cloudy With a Chance of Misery

Post #54 Topic: Barry Zito

What does Barry Zito have in common with Jake Peavy, Roy Oswalt, Roy Halladay, and Carlos Zambrano, 5 of MLB’s most effective yet consistent starting pitchers? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. In fact, Mr. Zito, the owner of a prestigious 7 year, 18 million/year contract gets paid more than 4/5 of these aces and just as much as Carlos Zambrano, who I note is only 26.

What does Barry Zito have in common with K-Rod, Eric Gagne, Billy Wagner, Francisco Cordero, Joe Nathan and Mo Rivera? A lot more than he has in common with the guys in the previous paragraph, but still not that much. Zito gets paid at least 3 million more than each of these closers… and Zito has not a single save amongst his until recently, decent career stats. But still, there is that one common denominator, for Zito as well as these 5 other star pitchers… COME FROM THE BULLPEN.

Yes, Barry Zito and his $126 million contract have been relegated to the bullpen in what has quickly become the worst city in baseball, San Francisco. As the bay area’s 2^nd most successful team, the Giants and their beautiful new Barry Bonds tainted ballpark have become significantly less relevant than other perennial loservilles, Tampa Bay and Pittsburgh.

Get this. The next highest paid non-closing relief pitcher is Tom Gordon, who gets paid an inflated, but comparatively measly $6 million per season. In case you missed it earlier, Barry Zito gets paid 18 million dollars each year.

Zito was brought into San Francisco to be an ace. He had previously in his career had seasons as fantastic as 23-5, with an under 3.00 E.R.A. So far this year? 0-6 with a 7.54 E.R.A., fresh off his first full professional season with a losing record and less than 200 innings pitched. Think the Giants are regretting their investment? They sure as hell are. In what was a somewhat dry free agent pitching market after the 2006 season, the Giants went for broke. They gave Barry another year at an exorbitant price, and apparently expected Zito to be the final piece to a glaringly incomplete puzzle. Had Brian Sabean censored himself even somewhat, he could have preserved those funds to bring in: Tori Hunter, Vernon Wells, Alfonso Soriano, Roy Oswalt or Carlos Lee for even less money. But don’t teams need aces? Well, an ace is only as valuable as his offense enables him to be.

Case in point – The San Francisco Giants, who coincidentally have two other aces on their roster, under the age of 25. First, Tim Lincecum, the 23 year old fire hurler, who has shown signs that he can and will dominate in this league for years to come, who the giants pay a fat $406,000. Last year Lincecum went 7-5 with 150 K’s in 146 innings and an E.R.A. of 4.00, impressive for anyone let alone a rookie. Had the Giants put up more runs last year (amongst the last in the majors), Lincecum’s impressive numbers would have appeared far far more impressive. This year: 4-0 with a 1.23 with 36 K’s in 29 innings.

Take a look at Matt Cain, one of the few pitchers in all of baseball that throws harder than his teammate Lincecum. Cain is 24, in his 4^th pro season, having thrown 200 innings in each of the past two years. If Lincecum’s numbers didn’t scream for more run support, then no one was listening (that whole tree in the forest dichotomy and sooner rather than later there will be noone in the park that Brian McNamee built). Last year Cain had 163 strike outs and 3.65 E.R.A. Brandon Webb, former Cy Young winner, had similar numbers to Cain, outperforming him minimally in both the innings pitched, strike outs and E.R.A. categories. Brandon Webb’s record? 18 and 10 for a toddler-ridden Arizona DiamondBacks team. Matt Cain went 7-16. Pathetic.

Where the hell was Giants management when these guys were tearing up the minors? I mean, they had to have been tearing up the minors right? Few if any pitchers come directly from the draft to make an impact in the major leagues, and those that do usually wind up grinding their teeth in a dumpster in harlem after a night of crack and tranny prostitutes (see Dwight “someone call a Doc” Gooden). Did Giants management have so little faith in their pitchers to validate foregoing the incessant recruiting of available power bats (Carlos Lee, Vernon Wells, Torri Hunter) to what was once a far more attractive place to play than any of the locales where those aforementioned sluggers eventually unpacked, in favor of an inning eater with questionable-at-best longevity?

Thank god the Giants brought in Aaron Rowand, the offensive machine, because otherwise guys like Lincecum and Cain would be in trouble… oh wait, they are. Rowand deserves credit after his monster 2007 year in which he belted 27 long balls and drove in 90 RBI’s at the top of a potent but young and oft injured Phillies line-up. But these numbers were outliers. Prior to ’07, Rowand’s career highs were 24 homers and 70 RBI’s. Before that? 13 home-runs; clearly not the type of numbers you hope to get out of your largest offensive contributor. But the Giants couldn’t afford another major financial commitment, especially with their prospective revenue resting heavily on Zito’s ability to turn it around and become the 3^rd cog in what should have been the most feared rotation in baseball.

And things haven’t changed. This year the Giants are DEAD LAST in the NL in runs scored, trailing only Kansas City in the weakest of the weak category. WHERE ARE YOU AARON ROWAND? Rowand has 1 home run to date, and but 10 RBI’s to his name. Probably not all his fault given that the team’s leader in OBP is Fred Lewis who was selling hot dogs and but plugs (bad san Francisco joke) as recently as last Thursday. Leading the team in Home Runs and RBI’s? Benjii of Molina Clown Car fame – the season looks promising.

But not as promising as Zito looked. Money ball or no money ball, Billy Beane deserves more credit than he gets for his baseball wherewithal. Beane not only acquires great promising prospects, but he grooms them into reflections of major league players just in time to deal them off to unsuspecting, highly hopeful teams: Mark Mulder – MIA, Tim Hudson – effective but not the Ace he once was… One can only assume that Dan Haren will be setting up Brandon Lyon in no time at all (ok maybe this is a stretch – Lyon doesn’t have closer stuff). Fortunately, one of several GM’s to catch onto Beane’s dirty dirty tricks is Omar Minaya, who although hesitantly, resisted throwing Zito-like money at this pitcher who was expected to be as dominant as that guy who used to pitch for the A’s – Barry Zito.

But San Francisco fans take heed. Sammy Sosa is a free agent and still has a lot of pop left in his bat (look at his stats from last year… maybe this would help Aaron Rowand get some better pitches). And in case Sammy Sosa doesn’t cut it, there’s another offensive threat who recently returned to a Major league bench… for the 4^th time in 4 years… And fortunately, with Smoltz, Glavine and Hudson, the Braves have no reason to hold onto your next savior, former 4 home run hitter and next highest paid pitcher in the worthless category… Mike Hampton.

Other Notes

Attn: Carmelo – GET THE HELL OUT OF DENVER… NOW. Sucks to lose huh? Imagine losing every year. You won at Oak Hill. I’m pretty sure but can’t really remember whether you won at cuse. Oh yeah, you did. You’re NOT GOING TO WIN IN DENVER. Not with Nene. Not with J.R. Smith. Not with Kenyon Martin (see Nets being swept twice by the Lakers) and not with A.I…. no one wins with A.I. The perfect place to go… the team that needs you most? The place that if all was fine and well in draft land you would have wound up anyway. A place where you can film your gang videos and be applauded for giving back to youth film classes – the Detroit Pistons.

Kosher Pizza? Come on, stop serving me this shit. Really, no one likes Kosher Pizza. More importantly, its only because its kosher that no one likes it. Truth is that it tastes almost like real pizza. So start buying the good stuff and slap a rabbi inspection sticker on it. No one will know the difference and if anyone found it they’d only thank you for it.

Extenze don’t work… or so my friends say. What’s the plural of extenze and can I play it in scrabble?

Just when you think he’s done. Just when you think he’s reached the top. Just when you think he’s already done all the things that no one ever thought about because they were too ridiculous to even fathom to begin with, he goes and drops Tha Carter III on ya. Hint: check out “A Millie”, and if hip-hop is dead he’s the embalming fluid – 1 7 in ya face.